Monday, June 16, 2014

Power Series: Being Yourself// #RealBloggerBeauty

Happy Monday Everyone!

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Welcome to the power series entry #4.

In honor of the #realbeautyblogger linkup starting, I thought I would do a post on the power of being yourself.

The #Realbloggerbeauty link up is a linkup that embraces our beautiful imperfections- started by Charmed Style.

There aren't many pictures with today's post, but I hope you enjoy the read. I am going to share a very personal story of mine with you today- how I learned being my true self was the best self I could be.


I grew up in a very diverse, but small, household. My dad is Persian and my mom is white. They never got married but had my sister (who is one year older) and myself.

My parents ended up splitting up when I was four.

We saw my dad every other weekend, but he wasn't involved in our lives like I needed him to be. Not really having a man in my life to show me the love I needed as a girl growing up, I often tried to find happiness in other places with friends and boys, parties, and sports.

My dad didn't always know how to show us the love we needed, because he never had it himself growing up. So I understood, but there was always a void in my heart- missing the love of a father.

Growing up, I always was searching for a way to worthy of love. To fill this void I had in my heart. I was never content in what I was doing- because I wasn't content with who I was. I heard things from my dad like "I wish I never had kids", "you're stupid", "You need to lose weight"... I continually felt that I was not good enough with someone I yearned to be good enough for.

I always felt the need to be perfect in order to get approval.

I would give into things I didn't really want to do, trying to please people, because I wanted to be accepted for who I was, not realizing I wasn't being myself at all.

As the years went on, I grew more bitter and angry at my parents for not always being there for me- not realizing how hard it can be to be a single parent. My mom worked full time taking care of two kids, a house, and hardly getting time to herself. I know that now, but when I was younger- I just felt abandoned. Unworthy of love.

I overwhelmed myself with activities and people just so I could distract myself from my feelings. So I could feel accepted in things- although temporary.

I never dealt with the bruises which caused many things to happen in my life that got me to the point of rock bottom emotionally and physically. That's when one day in the shower- I found Christ and forever dedicated myself to Him.

It wasn't until I found Christ that I really found out who I really was. 

He showed me the love that I had been missing, filled my life with joy and put happiness in my life that I couldn't explain. He was and is always there when I need Him. I am no longer in need of others' approval to feel good about who I am. Its freeing.

He has taught me how being myself is the best light you can show to people. 
Because who I am is His.

Since I have focused less on pleasing others and filling that void, I have become much happier. I am happy with "Aisha" time and no longer need to follow crowds that I used to follow in HS and college. I don't always feel the need to be "perfect" in the eyes of men because I know I am perfect in the eyes of my Father. I know that at the end of the day, no matter how people feel about the way I look, speak and do, Jesus thinks I am beautiful.

He has taught me to understand why my parents did certain things and it really opened my eyes to see that although we all don't always make the best decisions, most of the time- we are trying our best and doing what we think is right. I am forever grateful for God teaching me those things. It made me realize my own ignorance growing up as well as gave me the strength to forgive.

I cannot begin to describe the love and thankfulness I have in my heart that I had never felt before my life with Jesus. He is my first love, the best Father, and my everything. I am no longer bound with anger, resentment and unworthiness- but strive to live a life of forgiveness and love. I owe Him all I have. All I have.

I often times burst out in tears because that is the only emotion I get when I think about my Savior. His love in my life is overwhelming at times (in a great way) and sometimes the only action I have to it is cry because I see how far He has brought me from. I was drowning in sadness and anger and He made me free of all of that. He has forgiven me for many bad decisions I made. He continues to make me, well me!

Jesus changed it all for me. Now I am happy to be Aisha.

I love this song. It reminds me that Jesus will take us however we are... that includes you.


xoxo,
A

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15 comments:

  1. It can be very difficult, heartbreaking really, to come to the realization that a relationship with a parent is never going to be what you wanted it to be your entire life. It's almost like realizing a lifelong dream will never come true. But you have found strength and acceptance in your faith and in yourself and I'm so happy for you in that!

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  2. Your mama is crying. What more could a mother want than for her children to answer the call of our Father? Rest in that your entire life. When you feel led astray, your mom will send you on back! I love you honey. So proud of you always.

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  3. You are a wonderful person Aisha. I mean every bit of it! Take care and good luck :)

    www.tinselbabe.com

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    1. Thank you! And thanks for stopping by :)

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  4. Truly a beautiful story! I admire your strength :) Keep staying strong! Thanks for sharing :)

    xoxoTeresa
    theteresanicole.com

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  5. That is the most raw and honest story I have read about being saved. I can relate to your story very much so although there are some variations of course. I truly thank you for sharing this song as well. You are a beautiful person inside and out!

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    1. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for your kind words :)

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  6. i struggled with feeling like i fit in when i grew up too. i didn't feel like i belonged to any certain "group" or place. it's good to know that i am not alone in that, and to be honest, i tend to like people who "don't fit in" a little better! :)

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    1. It's always nice to know we are not alone in many journeys we go through :)

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  7. I'm so glad you found some peach, Aisha. You deserve to be loved and cherished for the wonderful woman you are. :) I'm so sorry your father didn't see that. Your story is touching!

    -Ashley
    http://lestylorouge.com

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  8. Thanks for sharing this Aisha. I love hearing how God has changed people and your testimony is truly encouraging. There is such peace and sense of security that comes from knowing that we belong to Christ.

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All comments are welcome! I appreciate them so much! Thanks for tuning in and showing love! <3